Conflict Resolution
November 13, 2025
The most important value, characteristic or even trait in a good conflict resolver is integrity, he said. Without integrity, one cannot respect even oneself. If you are seen as partial to one side, that would undermine the entire project. And it was part of integrity to ensure that you are familiar with the data you have at hand.
The next most important desired characteristic is the ability to ensure that both sides to a conflict at the very least know, and recognize, what the other side is saying. He ensures that when one party said what it had to say, he asks the other party to recite or summarize what has been said. More often than not, the other party starts listing its own grievances but he ensures that the second party re-narrates the first party’s version. He then asks the first party, “Is that so?”.
If both parties are led or guided to jointly defining the problem at the very least, a big milestone has been achieved because now both parties are less of adversaries and more of partners.
The one advice which generated the most discussion in the class was his suggestion that some people do not let go of their grievances, even after a lifetime, even when the costs are so high that their health and even lives are at stake. His metaphor was of a monkey who puts his hand in a jar to grab and take out a bunch of bananas but cannot, but hangs onto the bunch and keeps waiting. There is always a time one has to reconcile.
He made many other suggestions. He said many people think that one should not compromise on ‘principles.’ That was not strictly speaking true or advisable. He used the acronym of www or ‘what works well’. It is wrong to think that the winner takes it all. The second-best is still better than the third-best.
He emphasized compassion and said that the in the US, the time when most suicides happened was 8 am on Mondays, because it was then that many realize the trauma of going to office and facing that person who has made their lives miserable.
A lot of discussion ensued when the students asked him probing questions. The class was thankful to him for sharing his experiences and insights.
Labels: Guest Speaker, Winter 2025
posted by S A J Shirazi @ 11/13/2025 12:45:00 PM,
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